Whisper All My Secrets
by AtomicKokoro
Summary: Shinra has a deadly secret. Izaya is in over his head. The doctor sets out to kill the informant when Shinra's life spirals downwards. Izaya does everything in his power to stop him. It's an all-out war between them.
1. Chapter 1: Held Like Tears

**Whisper All My Secrets**

**By: AtomicKokoro**

**Storyline**

Secrets are useful to Izaya. They can be manipulative, they can be hurtful, they can be helpful, they can trigger an event. Shinra's secret falls into all of them, but even Izaya could be getting in over his head.

…

**Before You Read**

Is it possible for Izaya to get himself in over his head? I dunno. I guess he can, depending on what he does. He doesn't screw up often, but...neh, I'm sure I'll think of something.

Let's hope this works.

…

**Rating (Important!)**

Rated M.

May contain sexual themes, violence, blood and gore, mature themes, nudity, course language, and subject matter not suitable for audiences under 18. Viewer discretion is advised. ...Whatever that means. It sounds cool.

Also not suitable for kittens under 2. My cousin wanted me to say that. There you go. (COUSIN: Sucker!)

…

On with the story.

I think this is about to start weird, just cause...but it'll get _way_ better. Trust me. I really wanna be with you, I really wanna be with, Trust me, Trust me, Yeah!

You get the joke, don't you.

…

**Chapter 1**

**Held Like Tears**

Shinra stared at his ceiling.

It was a white, popcorn ceiling. It was the same all through the small, empty apartment. It was only meant for one person, but that was fine. He was alone now.

Slowly, he reached down and undid his zipper. There was a lot on his mind, and he honestly needed something to distract him, even if it was something against his morals. After all, the only time he could ever feel such a sensation was with a woman (but, as a teen, he couldn't bring himself to wait).

He brought one arm to rest on his forehead and opened his mouth to inhale sharply. His gray eyes shut tight and his jaw opened a bit more in a silent scream of pain and remorse, despite the pleasure. It was all crashing down on him; reality, the climax, the pain, and the anger.

Shinra grabbed his bangs and tugged hard, the inner torment overwhelming the pleasure. No matter how hard he tried to make himself feel _good_ in some form or fashion, the only thing on his mind was reality. He whispered a small, "Oh," and arched his back a bit.

Celty was gone. She had left once Izaya gave up the head to her. Shinra's theory was right; her body wanted to stay but her head didn't. Shinra never accounted that some of those memories would contain another man she had fallen in love with.

A low growl bubbled from his throat. He gritted his teeth together, in more shame than anything. This wasn't right. He knew he shouldn't. With a frustrated hiss, he pulled his hand out and leaned up, tearing a few strands of hair from his bangs. He glanced at his hand. White, sticky liquid dripped from his finger tips down the palm of his hand to his wrist.

Shinra frowned. He hadn't felt the top of his climax. His head was too far into the clouds. How he had lost his other apartment in Ikebukuro, and ended up moving across the city to a smaller one on the darker side of town. How the memories Celty had made without her head had been almost forgotten and she rushed out of the apartment in search of her long lost lover.

He squeezed his cum-covered hand into a fist. Mostly, how he had lost it. Shinra tilted his head back and closed his eyes. Tears streamed down to his ears and disappeared into his hairline, sending shivers down his spine.

That dark night. He had been walking to check for a new apartment somewhere in the area he had been in before when he was jumped from behind by a few rogue Dollars members. They demanded money, which he had none of, and threatened to kill him. They threw him against the wall and pressed the blade against his throat.

Blood trickled down the side of his face, over his eye until he couldn't see through it anymore. One rose the knife high and smirked. "Should have just given us the money." He slammed the knife down, hard into Shinra's chest and-

There was a knock at the door. Shinra looked up briefly before glancing at his hand and freaking out a bit. He quickly wiped it on the sheets and rushed to the door, opening it a crack and peeking out. It was the landlady, the one who agreed to let him stay in the apartment for a small price. Shinra quickly agreed. "Good morning, Yorihara-san," he breathed.

"Good morning, Shinra," she replied, her voice quiet and slow with age. "I hope you enjoying your stay here."

"Yes," Shinra chuckled. "It's great, thank you."

Yorihara smiled. "I'm glad," she said. "Honestly, you'd have to be the most sane person, but crazy if you're going to stay here."

"It's fine," insisted the doctor. "This place is terrific. Besides, I'd much rather be here than on the other side of the city."

Yorihara sighed. "You really are crazy." She turned and started down the hall to the next door. "Just as long as you don't turn out to be a psychotic killer."

Shinra said nothing and closed his door. He would have to leave the house more often, now that he lived alone, that was, if he was going to eat. He wasn't hungry right then, though, so he would leave later that night.

He walked to the door that led to the balcony and leaned against it. The building was rather tall for being in the bad side of town; he could see most of Ikebukuro. The lights flickered from far below the top floor his apartment was on. Horns blared from below, sirens screeching and gray people walking. The world was a strange place.

…

Milk, eggs, lunch meat, and bread. All that was left was coffee.

Shinra readjusted the basket in his arm and started towards the hot drinks isle. It felt weird. Some people were staring at him, most just ignored him. Why were they staring at him? Slowly, he realized it was his lab coat. Wearing it seemed strange to them, perhaps.

He sighed and turned down isle 10, the hot drinks isle, and stopped at the cans of coffee, wondering whether to get flavored or regular. He flipped between his two choices for a moment until a silky voice came from behind; "Oh, you _do_ come out of that little hole of yours once and again."

Shinra whipped around, surprised. "I-Izaya-kun!" He stammered for a breath for a moment before processing what Izaya said. "O-of course. I need food."

Izaya shrugged and tossed a box of green tea into the air, catching it again. "I heard about what happened," he said. "Celty was given her head again and she left you. Now you live in Yorihara-san's apartment on the bad side of town. Gee, what a jump."

There was a still silence before Shinra grabbed the first coffee can he rested his fingers on and started towards the cashier, Izaya trotting behind him, almost skipping, in a childish manner. Shinra refused to acknowledge Izaya at all.

The thing was Izaya didn't know Shinra knew that Izaya gave Celty her head, but he knew Shinra's little secret. Thanks to that, Celty was gone and Shinra's life had only gone downhill since then. The doctor's only distractions were medical dictionaries and masturbation nowadays and he honestly wanted out of his vicious circle, but the only way out was another way in. His life would never be the same.

"C'mon, Shinra-kun!" Izaya pouted, skipping to Shinra's side. Shinra, tired of the wait of the basket in one hand, held the handle with both hands in front of him. Izaya leaned in close, pressing his chest against Shinra's arm. "You didn't need her, anyway. It's about time got up and did something. The only way to go, now, is forward."

"Please, Izaya-kun," Shinra sighed, itching away from Izaya's closeness who only pressed his chest _and_ his hips against the doctor. "I don't need your words right now. I just need some time alone."

Izaya puffed his lower lip out before smirking knowingly. "You can't stay still forever, Shinra-chan," he chuckled before skipping out the store door, not caring he hadn't payed for his tea. Shinra simply let the informant do his own thing and stepped up to the cashier to have his groceries scanned.

…

_Horrible Bosses_ was the only decent thing on that night, and even _that_ was a long stretch for Shinra to be watching, but he had nothing better to do. He found himself munching on slices of bread with butter, and not much else. He wasn't hungry, but he didn't eat all day. He had to digest something, but he was too tired to put together anything.

Shinra slept on the couch that night.

And he didn't move from there for the next two days.


	2. Chapter 2: If Death Was A Virtue

**Whisper All My Secrets**

**By: AtomicKokoro**

**Storyline**

Secrets are useful to Izaya. They can be manipulative, they can be hurtful, they can be helpful, they can trigger an event. Shinra's secret falls into all of them, but even Izaya could be getting in over his head.

…

**Before You Read**

Last chapter, Shinra is basically depressed and it's all Izaya's fault.

I just realized, the landlady of Shinra's apartment building? Her last name is Yorihara, which is just Izaya's last name (Orihara) with a Y at the beginning. That was _entirely_ coincidental.

…

**Rating (Important!)**

Rated M.

May contain sexual themes, violence, blood and gore, mature themes, nudity, course language, and subject matter not suitable for audiences under 18. Viewer discretion is advised. ...Whatever that means. It sounds cool.

…

On with the story.

…

**Chapter 2**

**If Death Was A Virtue**

_Orihara Izaya_

_905-8429_

The phone rang three times before Shinra worked up the energy to pick it up. He felt so tired, he thought about just letting the phone go, but he picked it simply because it was Izaya. Shinra couldn't fool himself; Izaya was the only person left in the world for him. "Hey," he mumbled sleepily.

"Shinra-kun!" Izaya cheered from the other line. "You picked up! I thought you were dead."

"Not yet," Shinra sighed, folding himself over the arm of the couch so all the blood was rushing to his head. "I feel like it, though. Especially after Celty was _given_ her head." There was a small, silent uncertainty. "Why did you do it, Izaya-kun? Why would you do that to me?"

There was a sigh. "Shinra, don't you think you're overreacting a bit?" Izaya chided. "Isn't this the best for Celty? She's happy now, isn't she?"

Shinra loosened all the muscles in his neck and let his head hang loosely over the edge. "I just don't understand," he whispered, trying desperately not to let his voice crack and let the informant know he was broken. "How could she just _leave_?"

"I don't know," Izaya said, sighing. "Isn't love supposed be the 'triumph above all evil'? Or is it true against you, Shinra-kun? If love always prevails, then what does that make the loser? What does that make you?" Shinra stared at the fabric of his couch, silent. "Honestly, Shinra. You shouldn't have been so childish. Even _I_ would know that such antics were futile, _especially for you_."

"Shut up," Shinra whispered. "Please."

Izaya smirked through the other line and continued. "Love breaks people, Shinra-kun. I hope you know there is no such thing as a happy ending. This is _your_ happy ending. Sitting around all day on a couch, watching movies between the years nineteen-eighty-six and two thousand nine, fucking yourself when a hot porn scene pops up-"

"You're such a stalker," Shinra whispered. "Were you watching me?" The following silence was obviously meant to be a kind of shrug, probably an 'I'm not gonna bother answering' one. "Of course you would be. You obviously did this all to see what I would do, right?"

Izaya's smirk grew. "You know me so well, Shinra-chan," he chuckled. "And what are you going to do next?"

Slowly, Shinra picked himself up from his fold over the couch and stared at the door with a sense of determination. "I'm going to _kill_ you," he said.

There was an intrigued pause. "Oh?" Izaya inhaled with interest. "And how are you going to do that?"

"You'll see," Shinra purred dangerously. "and you'll see it all too late."

Izaya leaned back on his chair and readjusted the phone in his hand. "What a threat," Izaya sighed sarcastically. "Maybe I should be scared. Especially after what happened in the bank ten years ago, or all the little things that have occurred since then."

Shinra winced at the mentioning of the events. "Izaya," he growled.

There was a hint of an excited giggle before the line went dead. At that moment, Shinra brought himself to a stand, stumbled a bit, then grabbed his lab coat, a belt full of tools, and stormed out the door.

…

Shinra never arrived at Izaya's place that night. Izaya was fine with it, but he couldn't help but wonder what happened to him. Although, somehow, he was sure he knew. Izaya smiled to himself and peered out his window. He could almost picture it...

Shinra was half-running down the street, the gray clouds in his eyes storming. He couldn't think straight. His heart was racing. He swallowed a mouthful of saliva in a hard gulp and stumbled a bit, only enough to bump shoulders with a passing teen. "Watch it!" the kid snapped. "Don't you know who we are?"

There was a pause and Shinra turned around. The boy he bumped into was with three other boys, all wearing blue rags. Shinra bit his lip. "Sorry," he muttered, before turning and continuing on his way. Almost instantly, he was aware the boys were following him. _Are they going to attack me?_

The thought cause something to trigger inside. A pull, a tug. A sudden _craving_. Shinra shook his head. _Oh, God, not now,_ he pleaded in his mind. _Not now_. His vision was slowly tunneling and everything was loosing it's color.

He tried to focus on the building just in sight. Izaya's apartment was somewhere in there. He quickly rushed to the left, trotting down an alley. He could feel every blood cell slide through his veins, riding a red stream through his fast-paced heart. He had to calm himself down. He had to think of something else. If he recalled correctly, Izaya's apartment would be on the eighth floor, unit number-

Shinra was suddenly slammed into a wall from behind. He cried in pain and collapsed to his knees, bent over, clutching his pounding head. Blood poured between his fingers from a deep, open wound. It pooled on the ground. How much blood was he losing...?

"Shouldn't have mess with us, pops," one of the boys sneered. The one he had bumped into. "What a wuss. C'mon, give us your money and we'll let you live, okay?"

Shinra felt a sense of Deja Vu. This had happened before; he had been jumped by several Dollars members demanding money, which he had none of, so they drove a knife into his chest. He remembered clearly what he had done, but, at the time, he couldn't control himself. Now, it was going to happen again.

"Alright. If you won't give us the money, we'll have to kill you and take it."

Everything suddenly went black.

…

Shinra woke up just quick to watch himself drive a scalpel through a throat into a tongue-less mouth. He pause, horrified. He was sitting on the chest of one of the teenagers, one fist tight around the scalpel that had cut through the teens throat.

Slowly, he looked around. The other three teens lay dead, one cut open and their guts torn out as those he had tried to _dissect_ them, the other had been stabbed in the eye with a needle, and the third had been beaten beyond recognition. The fourth one, the one he was on, had both his eyes and his tongue cut out. Shinra glanced at his other fist, which cletched the missing tongue.

He dropped the tongue and screamed in terror, the sound resonating off the walls and over the city. He jumped to his feet and looked around for a quick moment. "Hello?" someone called from the corner of the street.

Shinra gasped, turned, and ran, tripping over one the bodies and landing in a pool of blood. He pushed himself to his feet and kept running. He turned a corner and took the back roads back to the building he was staying at. He open the front door and ran to his room, passing Yorihara. He turned and disappeared into his room, slamming the door shut.

Yorihara was shocked. The boy was drenched in blood all along the front, running and hiding, terrified of the scent of death. She stared at the door he disappeared behind. "Shinra..." she whispered. "What are you _really_?"

…

Shinra slid down, his back against the door. He looked over himself once, blood soaking his clothes. The sticky red liquid had been pouring from his head, and still was, over his right eye until he was forced to close it so he wouldn't get blood in his eye.

He panted heavily for a moment before bringing his knees to his chest feebly. Shinra buried his face into his blood soaked pants and cried.


	3. Chapter 3: Cravings

**Whisper All My Secrets**

**By: AtomicKokoro**

**Storyline**

Secrets are useful to Izaya. They can be manipulative, they can be hurtful, they can be helpful, they can trigger an event. Shinra's secret falls into all of them, but even Izaya could be getting in over his head.

…

**Before You Read**

Last chapter, Shinra killed some boys, because he was in danger.

This would be one of the first scenes I ever wrote. ...You'll know what I mean.

…

**Rating (Important!)**

Rated M.

May contain sexual themes, violence, blood and gore, mature themes, nudity, course language, and subject matter not suitable for audiences under 18. Viewer discretion is advised. ...Whatever that means. It sounds cool.

…

On with the story.

…

**Chapter 3**

**Cravings**

There was clinking as Shinra pulled out a medical box from one of his unpacked bags. He half-limped to the bathroom and opened it on the counter. He glanced at the mirror, staring down a gray-eyed killer, all but the top left corner of his face painted in blood.

His vision doubled for a second, warning him he had to care for his bleeding wound before he passed out and bled to death on his bathroom floor. Shinra reached in and pulled out a towel, dabbing the wound with it. Blood was still spurting from it heavily. It would require stitches to get it together.

Shinra cringed. He had done stitches before on other people, but performing such a thing on himself would be very painful. Gritting his teeth, he held the towel to his head to slow the bleeding and pulled out a needle and thread.

He was slowly recalling what, exactly, he had done to those boys. As always, the memories were in black and white like a horror movie. He didn't cut out the tongue from the boy's mouth; he ripped it out. He didn't cut the boy open with his scalpel; he tore him open with his fingernails. He never touched the scalpel. The only thing he used was a needle, and that was to stab one of the boys in the eye to kill him.

The more he remembered, the more he shook. Shinra felt hot and wrong. He pulled the towel from his head and brought the needle to his wound and slowly poked it into his skin. He gritted his teeth and continued to close the wound. Only once did he scream, and that was when he stabbed himself too deep, startled by the sudden memory of ripping out the heart of the boy he "dissected".

After a long hour and a half, he finally close the wound. It was still bleeding a bit and, too keep the stitches from breaking, he tied a bandage around his head. Shinra sighed and wiped his face with the towel. He stumbled out of the bathroom to his bedroom to change. He would have to throw the clothes out; there was no saving them.

Shinra stepped out of the bedroom confused and depressed. He sat himself on the couch and turned on the TV. "Only a few hours ago," a reporter said on the screen. "Four boys were brutally murdered-" Shinra shut off the TV. _Murder_.

A wave of emotions hit him at once. All he did to express it was smack a fist into his forehead before loosening a bit and resting his arm over his eyes, laying down on the couch. What was the point of having a bed? He never used it.

Slowly, he started wondering if Izaya was watching him. Shinra leaned up and looked around. There was no cameras, nothing suspicious. Maybe Izaya just knew Shinra so well.

Shinra sighed and rested for a moment. He wasn't sure if he was sleeping but his cell phone started vibrating. When he glanced at the time, it was the next morning, around nine, and it was Izaya who was calling him. Hesitantly, he answered it. "Hello?"

"Shinra-chan!" Izaya happily cheered from the other line. "Whatever happened to trying to kill me?"

Shinra sighed. "You know what happened," he growled. "I was held up."

"At gun point, or by a knife?" questioned the informant rhetorically. "Well, this only proves just how _violent_ you are. I'm _really_ scared now."

"Shut up, Izaya," Shinra snapped. "Don't you have anything better to do than to make things worse?"

Izaya gasped in mock offense. "Make this worse? I'm trying to make you feel _better_. After all, you're my best friend, right?"

Shinra opened his mouth but said nothing against it. "Sometimes, I just can't believe you," he said. He wanted to say more, but he just couldn't bring himself to say it.

"That's hurtful," Izaya pouted. "So, how about today? Are you coming to kill me?"

"Next week," Shinra insisted. "I'll kill you next week."

"Sounds fine by me," Izaya beamed, then hung up.

Shinra sighed and pressed the read button on his phone. "Never a goodbye," he whispered.

Then he received a text.

_Orihara Izaya_

_905-8429_

_If you don't mind, take off your pants the next time you fuck yourself._

Shinra blushed madly and accidentally dropped his phone, but he knew it was Izaya's way of saying, "I'm watching you."

Or, at least, to him.

…

Shinra didn't leave his apartment at all that week. Yorihara never came to his door, so he never talked to her. Needless to say, he did take up on Izaya's advice and freed his erection to touch it. He still couldn't focus on the pleasure he felt, concentrating too much on the idea of killing Izaya and how he would do it.

A moan escaped his lips when he finally focused on his touching. Shinra finally rubbed a good spot, trying to figure out where it was. He tried to focus on finding the sweet spot, moaning as he rubbed harder.

He felt it.

This time he felt it. He was climaxing, and he wanted to milk it for all it was worth. He leaned up and pumped himself faster, tightening his grip, watching his fingers glide across his erection in two blurs, one without his glasses and one with speed, saliva building up at the back of his throat. Luke warm saliva dripping down his chin, cooling in the air.

Shinra panted heavily, his moaning turn into cries of pleasure. He gripped the couch as hard as he could with his free hand. He could just feel the climax, when two hands covered his eyes from behind and a whispered voice slurred sexily in his ear, "Don't cum until I tell you, too."

Shinra continued to pump himself, trying hard not to release. He was panting too hard to say any words. The pleasure was overwhelming. He recognized that voice but he couldn't figure out who it was. One hand was removed from his eyes and the other turned to cover both his eyes. Shinra moaned louder, trying to convince whoever it was to let him release.

The hand removed for a second before cloth covered his eyes and was tied tight behind his head. A blindfold? "Stop, but don't release," the voice commanded. Slowly, Shinra obeyed. Both of his wrists were grabbed and the voice tied them together in more cloth.

"Who are you?" Shinra spat out between breaths. "What do you want?"

The voice didn't answer the questions. "Get on your back, hands over your head." Shinra hesitated. Something thin and cold pressed against his neck. Then, the man undid the button's on Shinra's shirt and slid it off. "Do it." Slowly, Shinra obeyed.

Was this guy raping him? That couldn't be happening. In all honesty, Shinra was still a virgin. The idea of someone, specifically a _man_, getting on top of him and whispering sexual demands was sickening, and oddly exciting. He couldn't see, he couldn't tell who the man was, he was in no position to make demands of his own, he was still hard, and he _needed_ to release. It was almost as though he wanted to be raped. No, he _needed sex_.

The sound of a zipper undoing sent a shiver down his spine, down between his legs. The man spread Shinra's knees and sat between them. The once-there climax was slowly fading, but Shinra was still horny and hard from touching himself. He was even more horny from the idea of being fucked right then and there.

His erection was suddenly warm and wet, a slick muscle rubbing over all his sweet spots. Shinra gasped and moaned loudly in pleasure, bucking and squirming. The man started sucking softly on the tip of his penis and slowly worked his way up.

Shinra couldn't focus on anything else. He waited for the lips to moved up one more inch. One more inch. Harder. Faster. "Ah, yes!" Shinra yelled when the tongue rolled over the sweet spot he had been looking for three times.

Slowly, his erection was deep-throated, the man sucking hard and fast. Shinra was moaning loudly. "C'mon!" he panted. "Oh...! Oh!" He bucked and almost released when the man pulled away. Again, the climax faded.

The man grabbed Shinra's ankles and lifted him above his shoulders. Shinra panted, worn out and in desperate to release. He wanted to finish himself off, but his hands were tied. "Suck," the man said just as three fingers brushed his lips. Shinra opened his mouth and sucked on the fingers, coating them in saliva.

The man pulled the fingers from his mouth and set them by Shinra's virgin spot. First one, then two, scissoring and stretching the doctor as he whimpered and squirmed in pain. Finally, the third digit was in, stretching Shinra and finding his prostate. When Shinra moaned, the man pulled out his fingers and grabbed Shinra's ankles again.

The man set himself, and put his own erection against Shinra's virginity. Then, in one hard, sudden movement, humped and found himself inside the doctor. Shinra groaned until the man found Shinra's sweet spot and humped. Shinra moaned. The man slid in and out of Shinra, hitting that same spot over and over again.

Shinra moaned, his erection hard from the cool air against him after the man parted his ankles and exposed him completely. During the fucking, the man let go of Shinra's ankles, too immersed in pleasure to hold them up. Shinra wrapped his legs around the man's hips, tightening his walls. The man moaned and bucked, but the more and harder he bucked, the more pleasure was sent up his and Shinra's spine.

The man reached forward and started touching Shinra's cock, pumping it hard and fast. Shinra moaned, pulling at his bounded wrists, his penis and prostrate pulsing and overly pleasured. "Harder! Harder! Oh, yes!" He fell deeper and deeper into his orgasm, screaming, "Yes!" over and over. The man cried Shinra's name in pleasure.

Both males were overcome with pleasure and needed to release. Hot, sticky cum filled Shinra as the man released, and Shinra's seed spilled over his own cock and the both male's stomachs. Shinra loosened his leg's grip around the man's waist. He panted heavily, smiling slightly. The man got up and wiped any access cum off his cock and stomach. "Well," he sighed. "It's been fun, but I have to get going. I'll see you very soon."

Shinra panted heavily. He wanted to ask the man what his name was (he wasn't sure why). He wanted to know more about him, but the door opened and closed before Shinra could ask, leaving the doctor alone; blindfolded, tied, and naked.

More than ever, Shinra felt hot and wrong, but he felt so right.


	4. Chapter 4: Blood Thirsty

**Whisper All My Secrets**

**By: AtomicKokoro**

**Storyline**

Secrets are useful to Izaya. They can be manipulative, they can be hurtful, they can be helpful, they can trigger an event. Shinra's secret falls into all of them, but even Izaya could be getting in over his head.

…

**Before You Read**

Last chapter, Shinra was raped by (or had sex with) a mysterious man.

Yeah, I have no idea where to go from here. If you couldn't tell, the hazel-eyed boy is, actually, Masaomi.

…

**Rating (Important!)**

Rated M.

May contain sexual themes, violence, blood and gore, mature themes, nudity, course language, and subject matter not suitable for audiences under 18. Viewer discretion is advised. ...Whatever that means. It sounds cool.

…

On with the story.

…

**Chapter 4**

**Blood Thirsty**

It took Shinra a good five minutes to squirm out of the bounds. He had to do it blindfolded, which was no help. When he finally got out and undid his blindfold, he found himself staring a full-length mirror. The first thing he thought of was looking away.

The wound on his head had healed nicely, but there was still release on his stomach and cock. There was still a scar from when he had been attacked by the rogue Dollars' members, of whom he had torn to shreds (quite literally). He felt dirty.

Unnerved, Shinra grabbed his pants from the couch and disappeared into the bathroom to clean up.

…

It was three days later. That was the night Shinra appeared on Izaya's doorstep. The informant didn't reply when Shinra knocked, so Shinra opened the door and stepped inside on his own. He was greeted with the sight of Izaya, smirking sadistically, on a half-naked, sobbing boy, scanning him up and down like a predator to it's prey.

The first reaction Shinra gave was a roll of his eyes. "Izaya-kun," he sighed, crossing his arms. Both the boy and Izaya glanced up at Shinra.

Izaya pouted but got off the boy and readjusted himself. "You can go now," he told the boy. "You can pay be later."

The boy grabbed his yellow handkerchief and his white sweater and started out the door, a silent _thank you_ in his hazel eyes as he passed and disappeared out the door. Shinra waited for the click of the door before he turned to Izaya, eyes blazing. "I'm here to kill you." No hesitation.

Izaya smiled and tilted his head. "I've been waiting a long time for you, you know," he chided. "Honestly. I was just about to get paid, but you had to come _just_ then."

Shinra reached into his belt and whipped out his favored scalpel. "This is the only time I'll ever allow myself to go Berserk."

There was an still silence. Suddenly, Shinra rushed forward, swiping his scalpel across Izaya's chest, just barely scraping it. Izaya leaped back, leaning back and pulling on the torn cloth of his shirt to inspect the damage. "Not nice, Shinra-kun," he whistled. "You're going to have to pay for those."

Shinra could care less. He stepped forward, arm ready for a fast swing, but Izaya whipped out his switch blade and pressed it against Shinra's neck faster. Shinra had been in mid-swing, his arm fully stretched to the side when he forced himself to stop.

There was a pause, a triumph smirk on Izaya's lips as Shinra slowly brought his posture back, the knife still to his throat. "Honestly," Izaya sighed. "I'll tell you the truth. I _did_ give Celty her head to see how either of you would react. You both reacted..._unexpectedly_."

"Unexpectedly," Shinra repeated. "How so? Did you expect Celty to still love me? Did you expect that I could convince her to stay?" Slowly, Izaya nodded. There was no change. "So did I."

Suddenly, Shinra ducked and slapped the knife out of Izaya's grip. Izaya, however, had been expecting it. He ducked under Shinra's stab and kicked one foot out, swiping the doctor off his feet. Shinra hit the ground with a loud thud and a 'oof!' as the air was knocked out of him. Izaya had only gotten to a crouch when Shinra tried to bring his heel down on the informant's head.

Izaya reached up and grabbed Shinra's ankle, but the attack didn't stop there as he swung his hips and tried to nail another kick where his heel failed to meet, but Izaya grabbed that ankle, too. Shinra tried to break out of the weird predicament by pulling back. Izaya lost his balance and fell to his knees, but he still held a tight grip on his friend's legs.

There was a pause as Shinra tried to kick and struggle his way out of it. Izaya knew he had the control of the situation; by having both of Shinra's ankles, the doctor couldn't stand, couldn't reach Izaya, and couldn't protect himself. Shinra was utterly defenseless.

Izaya pulled Shinra's ankles which way and steadied his captured prey once over. Shinra stopped struggling for a moment and glanced at Izaya, was trying to guess the size of his package through his pants. Shinra blinked once. Izaya glanced up, smirked, and licked his lips seductively. 'Delicious,' the movement purred.

Disgusted, Shinra found an extra ounce of strength and broke one of two ankles out of Izaya's grip and nailed him in the chin. Izaya growled and released Shinra completely. Shinra rolled backward onto his feet and scrambled around to find his missing scalpel, only to find the flip knife. Izaya chuckled darkly. "That was the same position from three days ago, wasn't it?"

Shinra glanced up at the informant and blushed madly. "H-how did you know that?" Although, the answer came to Shinra in two ways; Izaya had a way of watching him without entering his apartment, or it was Izaya that had half-raped, half-had-sex with him that night.

Izaya merely smirked and kneeled to retrieve the knife, lifting it. "No more holding back, Shinra-chan," he warned. "I hope you're ready for _whatever_ happens."

Unsure, Shinra swallowed and nodded, still searching for his scalpel on the corner of his eye. Izaya jumped forward and cut vertically down Shinra's front. Shinra bend backwards, but the knife cut through his belt. His rather loose jeans fell to his ankles and he tripped backwards, falling once more. He rolled onto his stomach, fearing the worst, then spotted his scalpel not too far.

Determined, Shinra got to his knees at the very least and tried to crawl at least a few inches farther before Izaya drove the knife through his shoulder. Izaya didn't do that. Instead, he jumped on Shinra and pinned him to the ground. Shinra struggled and collapsed under the weight. The scalpel was just inches away from his fingers. It was like a horror movie.

Izaya dragged him backwards, yanking on Shinra's boxers. Shinra growled and rolled onto his back, trying to throw a punch into Izaya's chin. Izaya leaned back and forced the knife down. The doctor brought up a hand and the knife pierced through his skin. Shinra screamed. Izaya continued to push the knife down.

Shinra cried in pain and felt himself slip. _Lose it now,_ he told himself. _Go Berserk. It's the only way to kill him._

But Shinra never had the chance.

Izaya pushed the knife to a new direction and what showed of the bloodied blade was pinned into the ground, trapped Shinra's palm with it. It was too painful to move his hand. Shinra was stuck and Izaya knew this. _He's going to kill me_, Shinra whimpered in his mind. _Oh, my God. I better not die._

But Izaya never did.

"Shinra-chan," Izaya sang. "Why must you be so stubborn? Even I know the whole reason you came here."

"What do you mean?" Shinra snapped. "I came to kill you!"

Izaya smirked, as though amused with the answer despite it being _incorrect_. "No, you came because you want more. You wanted me to take your mind off everything that has happened. And I know exactly how you want it." Shinra remained silent. Was Izaya just toying with him, or was that true? It had to be a lie. "All you want is to feel the pain while feeling the pleasure. How else can you repay for all that's happened?"

Shinra opened his mouth to say something but instead glanced up at his caught hand. The pain had gone numb; he couldn't feel a thing. Slowly, he turned back to his predator. Only one word could slip through his lips. "H...how...?"

What Shinra was expecting was a cocky smirk and a, "Because I know everything, Shinra. You should know that by now." Instead, he got a soft, sad smile and a, "Because you're my best friend. How could I not know what you want?"

There was a gentle pause. "I...I don't know what you want," Shinra hesitantly replied.

The informant leaned close and tenderly pressed his lips against Shinra's. The lip lock lasted for a moment, domesticated tongues dancing together in a saliva-covered moonlight. The lips were so lightly pulled away, Shinra nearly refusing to let go. Izaya took two seconds to breath, because whispering a reply to Shinra's statement; "You."


	5. Chapter 5: If Everything's Alright

**Whisper All My Secrets**

**By: AtomicKokoro**

**Storyline**

Secrets are useful to Izaya. They can be manipulative, they can be hurtful, they can be helpful, they can trigger an event. Shinra's secret falls into all of them, but even Izaya could be getting in over his head.

…

**Before You Read**

Last chapter, Shinra tried to kill Izaya, but the tables were turned. Izaya spared Shinra's life, for one reason only...

Yay! I have no freaking idea where this is going, since I had the _only thing_ I had planned for this fanfiction was thrown out the window cause of a review, I'm just gonna wing it and see what happens. I'm gonna try to make this the last chapter...okay, this is the second last chapter.

…

**Rating (Important!)**

Rated M.

May contain sexual themes, violence, blood and gore, mature themes, nudity, course language, and subject matter not suitable for audiences under 18. Viewer discretion is advised. ...Whatever that means. It sounds cool.

…

On with the story.

…

**Chapter 5**

**If Everything's Alright**

"Oh, Shinra-san. Are you really leaving?"

Shinra had his stuff packed over his shoulder. Or, at least, what was left of it. Yorihara stood before him just outside his door. Shinra nodded once. "Yes, I'm sorry. It was great letting me stay here. Really."

Yorihara nodded once. "You're welcome. But, after all, someone like you deserves some place a little better than what I can offer."

Shinra blushed a bit. "Thank you," he whispered shyly. "Honestly." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, handing her that months rent plus some. "Thank you."

Yorihara took the money, shocked. "Shinra, you didn't stay the whole month."

"I know," he said. "but that is my thank you."

With that, he stepped passed her and left. He gave her five hundred dollars.

He only owed her forty.

Yorihara never found Shinra again. She tried to find him, but she never did.

…

Shinra threw his bags on the new bed. It was far more fancier than what he had been given back in Yorihara's apartment building, but what else could he expect from the informant. "I hope you find it okay," he said, in his usually calculation, sly tone. It was tough to tell what he was thinking, in all honesty, but he didn't mind it.

"Yes," Shinra said. "Thank you."

Izaya nodded once and waved a hand over his shoulder as he wandered out the door to let Shinra put all his stuff away. The doctor was still confused about the agreement they made, but he was sure he would figure it out sooner or later.

What confused him more, however, was the reply to Shinra's question.

_"I...I don't know what you want," Shinra hesitantly replied._

_The informant leaned close and tenderly pressed his lips against Shinra's. The lip lock lasted for a moment, domesticated tongues dancing together in a saliva-covered moonlight. The lips were so lightly pulled away, Shinra nearly refusing to let go. Izaya took two seconds to breath, because whispering a reply to Shinra's statement; "You."_

The kiss had been one of appreciation, he was sure. It was common amongst some cultures, perhaps one Izaya picked out and decided to try at one time or another.

_Or, he could be messing with you again._

Shinra couldn't deny it's possibility. He was already questioning his sexuality along with his ability to keep his emotions in check. _It's going to get better,_ he told himself. He was already undergoing some form of counseling (as apart of Izaya and Shinra's agreement) and he was beginning to feel better. He didn't try to kill a mouse when it got near him (instead, he jumped up on the chair and screamed like a girl).

_Being harmless is better than being violent_, Izaya had convinced him.

Was Izaya really doing all this because he wanted Shinra to be okay? Why did he do this in the first place? Did he really even care, or was there going to be more mental games and torment?

_I should stop doubting my friend,_ he thought, shoving a random shirt in the top drawer. _He is pretty much all I got left, right? I'm just going to have to trust him until all this is over. After all, what he's done now has been for my best, and he did kiss me..._

_Ah! No, it's a trick. But...what if it's not?_ Shinra sighed, then chuckled to himself. _That's Izaya for you._

…

"I want information on Yoshida Maiko," the woman demanded. Izaya's hands were folded on his desk, listening uninteresting to the woman's story. Shinra was leaning against the wall beside the door, bored as well. "He stole my glass ring! He said he was in love with me, so when I took him back to my house, he stole everything he wanted!"

Izaya sighed and glanced up at the doctor, who seemed to have been snickering. Izaya blinked stupidly for a moment before Shinra started mocking her. The informant smirked at Shinra's little game, the woman slowly stopping, wondering what he found so funny. Once she glanced over her shoulder. Shinra folded his arms and looked away, trying to look as innocent as possible without smiling.

The woman cocked an eyebrow. Izaya brought his intertwined fingers to his forehead, quietly chuckling then wiping his mouth and asking the woman to continue. When the woman spoke again, Shinra started opening his mouth and closing it, without a sound, as though the woman was nagging Izaya to do what she asked, rambling on about her glass ring.

Izaya laughed again. The woman looked at Shinra again. The doctor looked away again. This time, the woman asked, "Can you leave? This is personal business."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Shinra gasped, trying to look as concerned as possible. It was obvious (to Izaya, at least) he was faking it. "I'll just...go upstairs." Shinra disappeared up the staircase and the woman continued on about her stole objects and Maiko.

Izaya listening some more until his attention was finally brought up to the library balcony where Shinra was waving his arms frantically to get his attention. The woman was too busy counting on her fingers to notice Izaya looking up. Shinra proceeded to show Izaya how much he disliked the woman's ramblings by showing the finger and pointing to her back.

Izaya shook his head in disbelief, which the woman noticed. She opened her mouth to ask why he was laughing, what he found funny, when she looked back and up at the balcony. Shinra smiled sheepishly then turned and ran out of the room into the bedroom just off to the side.

She turned back to Izaya, who had his hands over his eyes, laughing. The woman huffed and left. Izaya just kept on laughing.

…

"Sorry about your client," Shinra chuckled over dinner that night. "but I really didn't like her."

"Neither did I," Izaya replied.

…

Many days went on like that. Many clients came to Izaya's door, but when there was no one, the two would spend time talking over tea or watching the news. On several occasions, some clients came to see Shinra as well.

It had been two weeks. Two weeks of peace for the two, until chaos knocked on the door...with death by it's side.

"Orihara! Open up!" a voice demanded, breaking down the door. Izaya sighed at the irony of that. A big, briskly man stormed in and slammed his fists on the table. "I've come to _kill you_!"

At the yell, Shinra rushed down the stairs to see the commotion. "Izaya? Are you okay?" His gaze was met with a man with a strong, killer gaze. Shinra clenched his fingers in a fist and stepped back, too late to realize he was _slipping_.

"And why have you come to kill me?" Izaya asked coolly, folding his hands.

The man turned his attention back to Izaya and snarled. "You killed my daughter, you bastard!"

Izaya shook his head. "No, that was of her own accord-"

"Die, bastard!" The man picked up the desk and threw it at the window. Izaya jumped out of his chair, barely avoiding the desk as it shattered the glass and fell twenty stories onto six people, killing four and fatally injuring two.

Izaya rolled to his feet by the staircase and whipped out his butterfly knife. Shinra jumped down beside him with a scalpel in hand. "Are you sure?" he asked, sounding unsure yet certain at the same time.

Shinra nodded. "I won't lose it. I promise."

…

**After Notes**

This is the second last chapter. Hope you guys are ready for the grand finale.


	6. Chapter 6: Broken Promises

**Whisper All My Secrets**

**By: AtomicKokoro**

**Storyline**

Secrets are useful to Izaya. They can be manipulative, they can be hurtful, they can be helpful, they can trigger an event. Shinra's secret falls into all of them, but even Izaya could be getting in over his head.

…

**Before You Read**

Last chapter, Shinra ends up staying with Izaya, until they are attacked by a mysterious man.

Final chapter, guys. Hope you liked the story, but I have a feeling you are going to kill me...

…

**Rating (Important!)**

Rated M.

May contain sexual themes, violence, blood and gore, mature themes, nudity, course language, and subject matter not suitable for audiences under 18. Viewer discretion is advised. ...Whatever that means. It sounds cool.

…

On with the story.

…

**Chapter 6**

**Broken Promises**

"_Kishitani-san, do you know what caused you to become this way?"_

_Shinra stared up at the ceiling. He hated lying down. There was no point in it, but the councilor insisted it. Shinra listened, simply because Izaya had paid for it and Shinra wasn't going to let the chance pass by. "Yeah," he whispered._

_The councilor considered writing something down but stopped. "What was it? Can you tell me?"_

_Shinra was silent then he sighed. He close his eyes. "I don't remember it clearly, but I do recall it. I was two, I think. I could walk and could barely speak, but I had a remarkable memory." The councilor __wrote down every word that Shinra said. "It was the night my mom passed away..."_

…

The man stood strong, pounding a fist into a hand. "Another Shizuo, huh?" Shinra commented.

"God, I hope not," Izaya muttered. "He can flip a desk but he can't throw it."

"Good point."

The man growled and rushed at them. Both men ducked to the sides each way. Shinra tossed one of his scalpels while Izaya settled for an invisible needle. The man ran into the steps and leaned back. Blood dripped from each side of his cheek. He turned to Izaya first and snarled. "I'll kill you!" Izaya brought out a flip knife and readied for a stab.

Shinra dashed to one side and closed in on the man, waiting for the perfect time to strike. Izaya stepped forward and lowered himself under the man, pushing his knife up into his chest. Shinra immediately froze.

The man staggered back and pulled the knife out. Izaya eased himself back into a stance, expecting the man to fall, but he didn't. Instead he snarled and threw the knife back. Izaya stood where he was and the knife flew passed him and banged harmlessly against the window.

Shinra stood, frozen. Blood poured from the man's chest. Shinra blinked and-

…

"_The night you're mother died?" the councilor repeated._

_Shinra nodded. "Yes." He paused, then continued. "I remember it was like any other day. My father was a traveling doctor and we moved a lot. Currently, we were staying in a small apartment just outside Tokyo. My father was out, caring for a patient, so it was just mother and I in the apartment alone._

"_Mom was making supper in the kitchen. I was in the living room, drawing. I don't remember what I drew, but I remember hearing the window open. We were on the ground floor. I remember now. I was drawing a house! Ha ha...It was a cute little house...I still have the picture somewhere. ...But there is blood on it..._

"_Oh? Sorry. The window opened. At first, I thought it was just my imagination, but when I turned to the window, I saw that a man had opened it and climbed in. I was confused, and I thought maybe he belonged there, so I just went back to drawing._

"_I wish I said something. Man, I wish I did, but I didn't... He looked at me, I looked at him. He told me to stay quiet. 'It's a game,' he said. 'Just stay quiet and keep on drawing, okay?' So I kept quiet and continued to draw._

"_The next thing I knew, my mother screamed. I was scared. She ran out of the kitchen into the living room, the man close behind her. I remember the knife. I got really scared. I wanted to run, but I __couldn't move. My mother tried to push me out the door, but I couldn't._

"_Before I could get up and run, the man drove the knife through her chest. He looked at me, and I looked at him, and I said, 'What kind of game is this?' and he replied, 'It's called Reality.' Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. The man ran out the window and our neighbors ran in. They tried to get me to speak, but I couldn't. All I could do was stare at my mother, thinking, _I don't like this game. Reality? I don't like this game at all._"_

_The councilor looked up at Shinra, who's eyes remained closed. "Is this why you kill people, Kishitani-san? To get revenge?"_

_Shinra shook his head and opened his eyes. "No."_

…

"Shinra!" Izaya yelled, matching the scalpel with a second flip knife he was thankful to have on. "Snap out of it! You're losing control again!" Shinra, if he had any conscious, would have been surprised to hear Izaya say such a thing, to hear such a tone in his voice. If he wanted to stop, he couldn't. He had no control. Deep inside, he was scared.

The man stared on in confusion until the loss of blood brought him to his knees. Shinra continued to attack Izaya with everything he had. The man knew that Izaya could easily take Shinra down, but why didn't he? Why didn't the informant kill the doctor?

Izaya rolled to one side, right where his desk used to be. He straightened up and stanced again, but only for a second's breather as Shinra caught his balance and attacked again. Izaya was on the defense, perfectly matching each and every stroke, slice, and stab. "Shinra!" Izaya yelled. "I'm not your enemy!"

Shinra ignored Izaya's cries. He ducked low and sent out a kick, sending Izaya to the ground, the flip knife flying from his grasp. In one perfect, smooth motion, Shinra was back on his feet, scalpel high in the air, ready to bring down on Izaya. The informant clenched his teeth and inhaled for one desperate last attempt to bring Shinra back to- "Reality!"

Shinra froze.

There was a moment of silence. Pure, icy silence. Izaya could see the sanity return to Shinra's eyes, his jaw drop open and tears spill over. "Izaya," he whispered, bringing the scalpel down. "I thought...I thought I had-" Shinra was cut short suddenly.

The man came up behind Shinra, half-alive with Izaya's first lost flip knife in hand, and he stabbed Shinra in the back. Izaya had noticed it, all but too late. He hadn't even the time to yell out. Shinra collapsed to his knees and fell forward. Only a few seconds later, the man fell to his side, more or less dead. Izaya blinked. Was he in shock? _Oh, crap! Reality!_

Izaya quickly made his way to Shinra's side. He pulled the knife out and examined the wound. "Shinra? Hey, Shinra! Wake up!" He rolled the doctor onto his back and lifted his head so he could see his face.

Shinra, at first, did not respond. But, then, he did, and his eyes opened. "I...zaya?" he whispered. "Oh, shit..." Izaya chuckled. It wasn't the first time the doctor swore, but it wasn't like it happened everyday, either. "I feel like crap."

"Yeah, I know."

Shinra smiled and his vision finally focused. It was the same old Izaya, looking smug and as though he had everything under control. He knew what was going to happen. Izaya _always_ knew what was going to happen and, judging from the expression on his face, he was going to be just fine. Except... "Damn, it hurts so much..."

Izaya's expression wavered for a moment. "I'm sure you'll be fine. We can always take you to see...Oh...Ah..." Shinra chuckled. Maybe Izaya was just confused. Was Izaya going to send Shinra to see "Dr. Kishitani"? He found it hilarious! "You'll be fine. We'll get you to a hospital. Alright. C'mon."

Izaya tried to bring Shinra up, but the doctor cried out and demanded Izaya put him back down again. Izaya laid Shinra carefully back on the ground. "It hurts too much...I can't move. Ugh..."

There was an unsure silence. The change in the atmosphere was unnerving to Shinra. He forced his eyes open to look at Izaya, as though to confirm the strong, controlling, smug look on his face. Of course, it was there, but uncertainty furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to think. "It hurts...Arrhhhgg..."

It came to Shinra in that moment; he had been stabbed, but he hadn't realized it. His body was in shock, but that moment of bliss was fading. The world was beginning to grow dark. _Oh, no._ "I...Izaya..." was all he could muster out. He was become so weak. Oh, so damn cold!

The informant was frozen for a moment. "H-hey," he chuckled, trying to convince himself that his best friend, his _only_ friend, was not dying in his arms. He smirked and kept his composure. He had it all under control.

"There are paramedics down there..." Shinra began. "still from...when the desk...fell..."

Izaya nodded then paused for a moment. "I'll patch you up myself!" Izaya turned Shinra onto his stomach and searched through Shinra's pockets for the things he need to help him. Izaya tried to patch him up, but he had no idea what he was doing. He had been so used to sending someone to Shinra or having Shinra helping him when he needed it that he forgot how to care for someone else. "Dammit," he cursed.

The problem was...neither knew Shinra wouldn't last until the paramedics arrived. There was blood pooling by Izaya's knees, under Shinra. It was a lot of blood. God, so much... The informant wondered if maybe there Shinra wouldn't make it. No, Shinra would make it. He had the situation under control. Everything would be fine.

Izaya tried his best to smile but it turned out more like a smirk. "Don't worry," he said. "Everything will be okay." His smirk faltered when Shinra gasped in pain. Izaya adjusted his arms, earning a reluctant, irritated groan. He bit his lip. Suddenly, he feared for the worst. _No, you have it under control. Everything you expect to happen will happen. Patience._

There was a long wait. Izaya continuously told himself and Shinra that he was going to live and that everything was going to be okay. Izaya looked up and around. What could be taking those paramedics so damn long?

"I-Izaya," Shinra whimpered, his voice becoming numb. "I...It's alright. I don't...feel pain anymore."

Izaya looked down and gave him a smile. One last hopeful smile. Shinra smiled back. His cloudy eyes closed and his body grew limp. Izaya waited for a moment, waiting for Shinra to open his eyes again and tell him something else.

He waited for a minute...two minutes... "Shinra?" Nothing. "Sh-Shinra? Hey. Shinra. Wake up. This isn't funny. Shinra? … Shinra...?"

…

_The councilor was baffled. "If that's true," he said, writing down what Shinra had said. "then why do you act the way you do? Why do you lose control and kill people?"_

_Shinra closed his eyes and sat up. Then he turned and looked deep into the councilor's eyes. "I don't like death," he said. "I lose control because I'm afraid. I don't want to die!"_

_The councilor nodded and wrote what Shinra said down. "Don't worry, Kishitani-san. Death is a very sensible fear-"_

"_I don't want to die because I'm afraid of death," he said suddenly. The councilor looked up. "I'm afraid of losing the game."_

_The councilor blinked. "W-what do you mean?"_

"_I'm scared of losing in the game of Reality."_

_**THE**_ _**END**_

…

**After Notes**

I bet I just ruined half your guys's lives, huh? Sorry about that. I know you hate the ending, but I had to finish it so I could get going on another one of my fanfictions, a Masaomi and Mikado fic (not Yaoi, but a hint of Shoujen-Ai for my friend) called Forget-Me-Not. It's kinda sweet.

Anyways, I bet you guys hated it, but I kinda hope you enjoyed it, too.

Loved it? Hate it? Wanna read it again? Let me know! The review button is right there!


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